Ready, Willing, But … Never Abel
by ScandalousMinds
Summary: When the dynamics between Michonne, Daryl and Rick are explored, things come to the light and relationships are tested. Based in a mostly cannon universe. Where not much of what's been rumoured to happen in the Mid-season finale actually happens. aka nobody we love dies (Don't worry there's no spoilers) (One-shot)
1. Chapter 1

A/N - This is my first Walking Dead fic and I'm a little nervous about posting it, but I'm trying to get braver regarding posting my work. Like I've said in the summary, don't worry about any spoilers or annoying things like that, at most there's some alluding to building damage caused by the saviors but no more than that. I'm a Brit so, if the dialogue seems off at any point or the words are spelt differently that's probably why. Any other errors are probably just mine (lol!).

The Daryl in this is (season 4-6) Daryl. I think its a important distinction to make, because personally to me after that point ... well.

Rick and Michonne are just Rick and Michonne.

Anyway ... I hope you enjoy this random little piece. If you wanna discuss anything, find me on tumblr under the same name - scandalousminds or PM me.

I own nothing but the words, the rest is all Kirkman's and AMC's and absolutely no infringement is intended.

P.S

I'm sorry if this if awful.

Michonne found him in the kitchen. Sitting alone, on top of their dusty kitchen surface next to the sink, surrounded by a litter of dirty towels. It looked as though he'd started the process of cleaning up, but given up half way through. He was just sitting there. Head down and hands clasped – his default posture of late. He looked lonely. He looked sad. It seemed, as though whenever she saw him, he was always either … one, the other or both.

She could also read his anger, and she could relate to it. She was angry as well, at him, at herself, at Negan, at the world. At everything. She was angry about always feeling angry. Angry, at the constant simmer of rage inside her, and every time she truly contemplated on how they were all currently living, she felt that anger grow.

Their change of life had been quick, too quick. In fact, so quick it had made her head spin. Life had been good for a while back there, she'd started believed 'the good' was possible again. But, once again her world was being tilted and it was causing her to lose balance, to forget who she was, who she was _supposed_ to be. She knew, she'd been making some bad decisions lately, that her judgement had been a little off, and it bruised her ego, as much as it did her confidence.

The one thing Michonne had always been, until recently, was logical. She was a strategist. She was smart. She had always been logical. But of late, her logic was failing her, she was losing her objectivity and she knew it.

She had so much to lose now and she was trying desperately to hold onto it all. Michonne needed Negan to die, so everybody else she loved could start to live again. She needed to finish what she'd started, and that need was burning the insides of her. It was the driving force behind her making calls that were more instinctual than rational.

Pulling herself out of her inner dwellings, Michonne walked over to the hunched body in front of her, she knew that he likely wanted to be left alone. She was aware of his pattern. This was what he did, every time tragedy struck. He'd hide growl and hide and _usually_ everyone just let him be. But on this night, Michonne decided she couldn't allow it. He didn't get to play victim, not when everyone else was at various degrees of hurting too. She nudged his foot with her knee and waited for him to look at her, she ended up waiting almost eighty-two seconds – she'd counted for lack of anything else to do.

When he looked up at her, he didn't quite meet her eyes, but he at least appeared to be looking in her the general orbit.

"Wah?" he grunted.

"That's what I was about to ask you." She replied, he looked away to the window, there was nothing to see but distant stars and the remnants of smoke and floating debris, but he looked on anyway.

"What are you doing, Daryl? Why aren't you helping to clear up out there? You don't just get to run. You don't have that right. You don't get to hide. None of us do anymore."

He looked at her then, throwing what was supposed to be a hard look her way. "I ain't hiding."

Michonne threw a hard look back. "That's exactly what you're doing."

"Don' tell me—" Daryl didn't get far before Michonne cut him off.

"Someone has to. You're being a martyr and this isn't the time. _We don't have the time_."

Daryl shooed at her, "well leave then. I ain't ask you to come here botherin' me anyway."

She chuckled, sardonically. "You'd love that, wouldn't you? Having me walk away, so you can feel alone and dejected. But I'm not giving you that, what we did today. What happened at the Sanctuary, it—it almost cost me _everything_. You don't get to wallow, none of us do, we have to keep going."

"You don' get it. Non' of ya'll do." Michonne watched on unaffected.

"Aww, poor baby. You got some emotional booboos? That's a shame. But, sooner or later you're gonna have to get over them, just like we all do. You're not special Dixon."

"Watch it, 'Chonne" Daryl growled out, "watch how you're talkin' to me."

Michonne cocked her head to the side, not particularly liking his arrangement of words or his tone. "Or what? Is this new _extra_ -damaged Daryl, a woman beater as well as a chronic-emotional narcissist?"

At hearing those words, Daryl jumped off the counter and crowded her space. But, Michonne hadn't backed down, she could in no way be intimidated by Daryl Dixon. She knew him well enough to know he would never cross that line. He was currently in his default defensive mode, not his default aggressive one. She was just grateful he was engaging with her at all. It had been so long since they'd spoken properly. Their whole group was so fractured and detached. It seemed like, no one got to talk to anyone anymore.

His words were gravelly and quick, "take that back."

But, Michonne was quick too. "No."

" _'Chonne_ … take it back!"

Daryl glared into Michonne's face and just as she was about to open her mouth, to repeat her unrepentant 'no' again, she stopped herself. She stopped and looked at him, _really looked at him_. It was then she understood why he wanted her to take her words back, it was in that moment that Michonne realised the depth of pain her words had inflicted. She'd forgotten his history. She'd forgotten their times together back at the prison, when they'd been close, when they'd gone on the road together and talked about their pasts – well, as much as Michonne and Daryl had been capable of talking back then. Their 'talks' had usually consisted of random revelatory one-line sentences and brief arbitrary admissions here and there. He hadn't spoken much, but he'd told her more than he'd ever told anybody else.

 _'My old man, wasn't a good guy – 'specially not to me and Merl. He was worse with my ma. Ain't much more to say than that. He just … wasn't a good guy.'_

As the memory resurfaced in her mind, her eyes widened and then quickly softened enough to reveal the remorse that flooded her system. She took a step forward, but he took a step back, looking at her with something akin to betrayal. She couldn't even blame him this time.

"I didn't mean it like that. I would never—I shouldn't have said that." Michonne looked down, shaking her head, irritated she'd gone somewhere so personal without actually intending. "I shouldn't have said that. I know that's not you." Michonne's voice was softer than when they'd first began their conversation.

"That ain't me. I wouldn't hurt a woman like that. I wouldn't hurt you. _That ain't me_." He didn't look at her.

"I know, I know that. I was wrong for that. I'm sorry for that last part." Letting out a deep sigh, "I've been wrong a lot lately."

Daryl turned back to her, maybe hearing the grief that was wrapped around her tone. He squinted at her, clearly confused by what she'd just said. "How's that?"

Looking at the ceiling, Michonne tried to hold back the frustrated tears that were threatening to spill over. All the near misses of the day were starting to hit her in one fell swoop.

"Today was a series of bad calls for me. I should've stopped you and Tara. I should've talked you out of what you were planning to do. Honestly, I should have stayed home, if I hadn't of left maybe—" she paused to rein herself in, she couldn't lose control. It wasn't the time. "Instead, I let you down, I let myself down." She paused once more as her throat constricted on her. " _I let Rick down_."

Upon hearing the catch in her throat, Daryl reached forward and allowed his palm to rest on the junction of her neck and collarbone. This time it was _his_ voice that softened slightly.

"Hey, nah. Wha' 'appened is on me and Tara, ain't none of it on you. I was gonna do wha' I did anyway, you wouldna been able to talk me out of it. I was doin' what I thought was right. But, I know, I shoulda listened to you."

Michonne could barely hear him, she was spiralling into the 'what could have beens' and the 'almosts.'

"I'm making too many mistakes lately, too many lapses in judgement. I could've lost—"

Daryl's hand tightened on her pulse point, trying to pull her mind away from where he knew it was heading. The same dark places he had been in when she'd found him.

"Hey, they're fine. It didn't happen. Stop thinkin' on it."

Michonne scoffed and shook her head, "that's a little ironic coming from you."

His lips turned upwards slightly, it wasn't a smile per say but, it was the closest he'd given to anyone else of late. He pulled back a little, letting his hand fall to her upper arm, trying to offer her some sort of comfort. He wasn't sure he was doing it right, it wasn't necessarily his forfeit, but for her he was giving it a solid go.

But, he was still Daryl Dixon.

"Shut up. You talk too much."

She grinned, and the softness of it, caused Daryl's eyes to fall to the floor. She tilted her head a little, trying to catch his gaze again, but he avoided her efforts, like his life depended on it … and, in a way it did.

"Hey, I really am sorry for what I said. I stick by everything I said before it, but … I didn't mean _that_. I shouldn't have made it personal."

He'd shuffled sideward slightly, muttering a quiet 'a'right' but Michonne could still see, the residual upset her low blow had caused and she hated the wound she'd inflicted on her friend.

"We good?" she asked after a few moments of stillness.

Again, he frowned, "ya, we' always good."

Michonne's mind refocused once more on her objective. "So, then talk to me." She moved so his hand dropped from her arm, but before he could retreat, she clasped his hand in her own, trying to reinforce her words. "You're not alone."

Daryl tried to pull away, but his friend was strong and although it was a deep source of irritation in that particular moment, he was also begrudgingly proud of her. He liked that she knew how to handle herself. That she was powerful. She was brave in ways he could have only hoped to have been. However, he would never admit it aloud, not wanting to witness her self-satisfied beam. "Yah? What if I wanna be, huh?"

She looked at him, like a parent looking at child having a tantrum. "Alone is good for no one. You have us Daryl, use us … while we're all still here."

"Nah. I'm good." He wrenched his hand away, attempting to turn back to the window, but she'd gripped his arm. _Damn she was strong_.

"You're not! And, I'm not good with that."

Daryl sighed, "why'd you care, huh?"

It was Michonne's turn to frown at that, he was her family, he was her friend. They used to be so close that at one point she'd considered him one of her best friends. Somewhere along the way, they'd lost that closeness and she wanted it back. She wanted to fix the rift that had grown between them, to be there for him, like she was with the rest of her family. She couldn't understand why he was fighting her so hard. "Why wouldn't I?"

"Look, you're wit Rick now. It ain't right to talk like we used to. Things are different now."

Michonne's head flew back and her brow furrowed even harder. She was puzzled. Daryl's reasoning, was non-linear at best and flawed at most. What did the two have to do with each other? Their friendship wasn't inappropriate in any way.

"Daryl, Rick and me being together, doesn't change our friendship."

This time, Daryl did turn his back to her. He gazed unseeingly out of the window again, watching as stray embers blew passed, like fireflies.

"It does. It has to." Daryl murmured.

Michonne didn't except that, for her – no one got left behind.

"We're family no matter what. Nothing changes that. You should already know that."

Daryl huffed a frustrated breath, he was quickly approaching his limit with their conversation. "Man, you don't understand nothin'!"

"So, explain it to me. Make me understand! I'm here! I'm trying to help you Daryl. Let me." Michonne replied, equally frustrated with his aloofness.

Michonne moved in closer, attempting to calm him or at least supress his agitation some, but the instant she rested her hand against his forearm, he spun around and reared back, as if electrocuted. Michonne quickly raised her hands in surrender, adopting the stance of a hunter appeasing an angry bear.

For perhaps the first time, she did feel a little intimidated in that moment. His visceral reaction to her simple touch shocked her. She was trying to understand him, but it felt in vain.

Her shock and confusion only mounted, when out of nowhere, she felt Daryl's mouth latched to hers. The unexpectedness of it, rendered her frozen.

Panicked, Michonne pulled away, turning away to lay her hands on the centre of counter behind her, she needed to steady herself and right her equilibrium. The moment she did, her eyes caught a sight that made her heart stutter.

 _Rick._

She could have cried in relief. She'd been waiting for him, she'd missed him more than he would probably have believed in the moment.

Out of all the decisions she's ever made, good or bad, he was by far one of her best, and the joy she felt in seeing him standing there in the door way – bruised and muddy, but ultimately glorious – was abruptly shattered by the realisation of what he'd likely just witnessed.

She knew his history. He'd told her everything. Not all at once, but piece by piece – in their quiet moments – he had revealed the wounds that had lead to the fragmenting of his heart and straining of his psyche. She knew all too well, what that moment must have looked like to him, how it would have felt all too familiar.

From his perspective, it would have looked bad, it looked bad to her and she knew there was nothing in it.

Rick's poorly suppressed look of devastation, made Michonne feel as though, something clawing out her insides.

"Rick—" she started and stopped within seconds, unsure of what to say or even where to start.

Rick decided to start the conversation for her. "What did I just walk into?"

"Nothing. I know—" Michonne tried to move forward, but Rick held his hand up, trying to keep her at bay for a moment. He needed a minute to think and to organise his thoughts. He knew he wouldn't be able to do that, if she was standing too close to him.

However, the unfamiliarity of his rebuff caused Michonne's stomach to drop.

"No. Stop. Please, don't try to blind me right now. Just answer the question. What did I just walk into?"

"Rick, just lis—"

He could already hear her automatic denial, the empty appeasements, he'd heard them before in what felt like a past life. But that wasn't what he wanted now, not from her. He wanted the truth. He needed it.

 _'Please God, don't let this being happening again'_ was on a constant loop in his mind.

After a day like the one Rick had had, after all he'd gone through, after all he'd seen. After all he'd heard from Rosita and the others, about what had gone down, while he'd been outside the gates. Rick was about eight minutes away from burning down the entirety of what remained of their house.

"Don't. Please don't do that. I've been here before. I know what this feeling is, and I'm really trying not to lose my mind here. So, this is last time I'm asking. _What_ did I just walk into?" All in the room could tell that Rick's calm was fraying around its edges.

" _I don't know_."

It was every bit the truth. Michonne, truly wasn't sure what had happened, she hadn't seen it coming. Daryl didn't do stuff like this. She knew he hadn't meant it and she suspected he'd used her a much-needed port in a storm, somewhere to air his emotional frustrations. She knew he probably would have done the same with Carol or Maggie or whoever else was in close proximity. _She knew it meant nothing_ , but the idea of verbalising everything, felt beyond her.

Michonne suddenly felt incredibly exhausted. The strain she'd put on her body throughout the day – too prematurely (yet again another example of poor decision making) – was being to show itself. The pain was beginning to set into her bones and her physical aches were throbbing in tandem with her emotional ones. She couldn't think anymore, and she didn't know what to say to explain it all away.

"It wasn't her, man. That was me." Both Michonne and Rick were watching him, so Daryl began to shift uncomfortably. "I know I've been real dumb lately and … I'm sorry for it. I'm _real_ sorry for what went down out there today too,"

"You're _'sorry'_?" Rick tilted his head, and then abruptly started moved forward at a speed that caused both Daryl and Michonne to step backwards, but Daryl's failure to move quickly enough, caused Michonne to stumble over his boots and into his chest. The velocity of it all forced Daryl to catch and steady her by her waist. An action which had triggered Rick to halt his advancement immediately.

He stopped eyeing Daryl's hands, eyeing the way Daryl and Michonne rushed to draw apart, eyeing the way they were eyeing him. His clenched jaw and the twitch of his fist communicated loudly to Daryl. While the shattered look of hurt and the slight-tremble in his posture communicated to plainly to Michonne.

Rick brought his bandaged hand to his face, pinching the bridge of his nose, as he closed his eyes in an attempt to contain himself.

"This has got to be, one of the _worst days_ of my life and—and that's really sayin' somethin', I mean … Holy God! I have got to be one of the unluckiest sons of—Twice! _Twice_ , this has happened now. Apparently, brotherhood don't mean a damned thing to no one but me anymore." His vacant chuckle made them both uneasy. "Maybe it never has. I mean, Cain killed Abel, right?"

"Rick—"

Rick didn't pause, he continued speaking over her – partly to the them and partly to himself. "Every brother, I've ever had has let me down. Each one has tried to break me in some way or the other. But, you—" Rick pointed dead at Daryl. "This is the most painful hit yet. This one—you know— _._ You _know_ what this type of—you know what this did to me last time and …"

"I'm sorry." Daryl husked out.

Rick nodded. "Yeahh, yeah you are. That's the first thing today you've gotten right and that's a damn shame,"

Michonne felt the need to cut in again, to try to get Rick to understand that Daryl's actions were empty ones, fuelled by nothing but Daryl's own desperation for some sort of connection. She could feel how much he regretted it, how uncomfortable he was, as Rick glared at him. She understood that Rick needed to forgive Daryl's idiocy. They were the only brothers each other had left, Michonne understood how much they needed one another as a support system, whether they could admit it to themselves or not.

"Rick. I promise you, nothing was in that, it didn't mean anything."

Michonne walked towards him slowly, not wanting to experience the bitter rejection of before. When he didn't pull away, she allowed herself to relax into the hold she had on his face. She just stood there for an instant, taking a moment to enjoy the way he involuntarily pressed his stubbled cheek into her palm. She allowed herself a minute to appreciate the comfort his inadvertent action provided her, before redeploying on her original course of action.

Michonne gently tugged against his jaw, in an effort to pull Rick's focus away from Daryl and onto her. She was relieved when it worked, she was even more relieved when she saw that his eyes still held the same magnitude of love for her, that she'd been getting glimpses of lately. She could see his upset too, the agony which was starting to take root behind his corneas. But, there was more love there. _So much love._

"It didn't mean anything."

To her surprise, Rick lifted his bandaged hand up to her cheek, whilst leaning forward to rest his forehead against hers.

He too, seemed to need the reassurance their closeness brought, as soon, he was pulling her into him for a tight embrace he appeared anxious for.

Michonne happily obliged and while trying to ease his tension, she nestled closer against him, allowing her temple to burrow against the curve of his neck. And, for an second it seemed to be working, but then all too soon Rick's angry glare was firmly Daryl's guilty one.

"It didn't to you sweetheart. But, I know where my brother's heads at, don't I Cain?"

Daryl froze, as he observed the coldness of Rick's stare. "… _don't..._ "

Rick scrutinised Daryl, his hard eyes burning into his brother's fearful ones. " _I should_." Daryl shifted under Rick's squint. Rick allowed his hand to run tenderly against Michonne's back, she was getting heavier and he could feel now how tired she was.

"In a single day you almost cost me _everythang_! Everythang, I've fought to keep alive. And still, you wanted to take the final kill shot?"

Rick's words seemed triggered something inside of Daryl. He knew he needed to say something then. "I didn't. y—ya know I love y'all."

Rick scoffed at that. "Yeah, I know _exactly_ who you love."

Daryl shrunk beneath Rick's glare and Rick against his own better judgement, Rick decided to ease up a little.

Gently pushing two of Michonne's locks out of her face, Rick tilted her face upwards lightly, scanning her, searching her expression for something. A sign that maybe she'd enjoyed Daryl's kiss or an indication that she was anywhere else but with him. _He found nothing_. The relief so was profound, he kissed her forehead in both love and liberation.

He knew that after all this was dealt with, he would need to talk to her. To tell her explicitly what she meant to him, he couldn't just keep assuming she knew anymore. Not when there was apparently someone else waiting on the side-lines to do so too.

He gazed into her eyes, observing the way she gave him her undivided attention. "I need you to go to Carl. He needs you. That's why I came to find you. Can you go to him? He won't … _talk_ to me."

Michonne didn't hesitate. "Of course." Her smile however was a weak and tired imitation of what it should have been.

As she was edging towards their front door she paused, turning to look between Daryl and Rick, unsure of whether to leave them alone or not. Although she didn't truly believe it would go the way of Rick and Shane, but she wasn't completely dismissive of the possibility either.

Rick caught the break in Michonne's step, and the second he noticed her eyes on Daryl, he experienced a sicking sense of Déjà vu. And, just like that, every insecurity he had about not being enough, or rather _good enough_ , attacked him once more.

He knew what she was thinking, and it made him wonder… ' _If things with Daryl went left the way they did with Shane, would she recoil from me in the same way Lori did.'_

Rick knew that, he wouldn't have been able to have recover from a blow like that. Lori's betrayal had nearly broken him, but Michonne's … a betrayal from her would end him. There'd be no coming back from that for him.

He terrified himself further by questioning if Michonne would mourn Daryl like she'd loved him or if he'd receive the same look of disgust he got from Lori after the fall of the farm. Just the thought of Michonne reacting that way to him, caused the panic to almost cripple him for perhaps the third time that day.

No. he shook his head. They weren't the same. ' _This was different._ ' Michonne was different.

Rick fought past the fear and looked at the woman who was like his heartbeat. The moment he did his fears began to evaporate as if they'd never been. In her eyes he read … _'Don't hurt him, not for me, but for you. You love him. You'd regret it. He didn't mean it. You're brothers. I'm with you. Only you.'_

It was almost impossible for Rick to look at her and not see everything she meant to him, it was even more impossible however, not feel an exorbitant level of rage, at the knowledge that his own brother trying to inveigle her away from him.

 _Again_.

 _Another brother_.

It was so twisted it could almost be funny. Michonne's hand found his cheek again, heaving him out of his spiralling thoughts.

"He didn't mean it. Remember who you are." Rick kissed her hand and let her walk away, listening for the moment the front door opened and closed behind her. He turned, to watch her head down the steps.

"I'm sor—" Daryl started, but he didn't get far.

"I've known since the prison." Daryl's mouth snapped shut at those words and he shuffled backwards until he was leaning against the sink.

"I've always known. But I thought you knew too. I thought you knew how tore up I was, about feeling like I felt about her, so soon after Lori. How conflicted I was, and I know … _I know_ I wasn't good to her back then, I didn't her value, like I should've. I know that." Rick turned back from gazing out of the panelled door, when he could no longer see her. He was somewhat calmer. It was as though the moment Michonne left, his aggression did too. His primitive need to be chief alpha eased up and the red fog cleared.

Now he was just a tired man, in need of a drink and time with his family.

"I know you saw who she was. I know that you realised she was one of us early on, probably the same time Carl did honestly. I remember, and I saw how you were around her, even back then." Rick sighed. "So, when I started to see her, really see her. After the smog had lifted, after the misplaced mistrust was gone. When I started _noticin'_ her …" he paused, uncomfortable about voicing everything he'd previously ignored.

"When I started _noticin'_ her, I started noticin' you too. I noticed how y'all was always together, when she wasn't with Carl, she was with you. I saw what was brewing and I chose not to do anything about what I felt _because_ of that. I chose not to be Shane or Cain or any of the men like them. I stayed back, I let it be."

Rick started to nod, as if trying to right the story in his own mind. As trying to convince himself he'd done the right thing. "I stayed back. But … then, so did you. So, I thought—I thought you were over her or that you didn't—that you'd let go of all that. I was obviously wrong …"

Daryl was quiet for a long moment, appearing for once to consider his choice of words carefully. "It was never a choice."

"For her or for you?" Asked Rick.

Daryl shrugged looking even more uncomfortable as time when on. "Both. It wasn't like that for her."

"It was. _I think_." Rick shifted uneasily, "I think she liked you, more than she realised she did. She smiled when she talked about you." Rick's eyes wouldn't meet Daryl's and Daryl was grateful because he could look at Rick either. They both just stared at the counter between them. "I wasn't blind to how close you two were, maybe—maybe it's me who should apologise. Maybe, I should have told you where I was at, warned you the day we were chasing after Jesus, so at least you knew. I hid a lot from you and I was wrong for a lot. How you found out—"

Daryl cut him off quickly, not wanting to discuss that particular moment. "We don't gotta talk about that."

But, Rick pushed on regardless, the conversation felt long overdue. "I know how that would've felt and I am sorry for that. But, what you did just now, I think, I think that was worse. You don't get to try to steal my wife, because you think you loved her first. And, maybe you did … I don't know … but, I still can't allow that." The fire was fleetingly back in his as Rick looked at Daryl again. " _She's mine_. I'm hers. I fought too hard for her to lose her now. _I won't_ and anything that stands in my way … won't be in my way for very long."

The threat was obvious, but Daryl didn't dispute it. "I don't know why I did it."

"Yeahh, you do. You were mad, and you thought you'd stop holding onto, what you've been holding onto. You wanted to shoot your shot. I can understand that. _I can_. But, you were still wrong."

Daryl shuffled, "I know I shouldna done it. I know that. I do. But you're still my brother. I still got love for you."

"I might be crazy, but I believe you." Rick tilted his head to try to catch Daryl's eye. "I do."

Rick sighed, looking behind him to check they were still alone. "If I saw the same threat in you, I saw in Shane. You'd be dead already." This wasn't a shock to the man in front of him. This was information Daryl already knew – hence his avoidance of the situation. "You're still my brother and I still love you too, but, you can't stay in my house no more. I can't be looking over my shoulder everyday, making sure, you're not waiting in the wings for her to be _in need of a friend_ or something. I can't take that risk. I trust her with my life, but you … I don't know where you stand right now."

At that, Daryl pushed himself off his slouch against the sink. "With you man. I always stand with you. This don't change that."

Rick looked at him, like he was a talking walker. "This changes a whole lot."

"You gonna tell her?" Daryl didn't try to face Rick as he asked and waited for his answer.

Once again, Rick repeated "I should" and the pettiest part of him couldn't help but embraced the rush of satisfaction he felt at the alarm on his brother's face, it was similar to Rick's own when he'd walked in on, what he'd walked in on.

"But I won't."

Daryl looked up somewhat hopeful, before he squinted in suspicion. "Why?"

Rick hesitated before he answered, he took the moment to rub at his tired eyes. "It'd cause issues for all of us. And honestly, I don't want her to have to choose."

That answer confused Daryl more. "Why? You know she'd choose you anyway."

Rick nodded slowly, but not with complete assurance. "I think she would … but she's her own woman and I'm not the—some days, I'm surprised she chose me at all. But, I'm too selfish a man to risk not being the one she picks when she finds out she has another choice. A choice, who's already chosen her. Those ain't good odds. My last wife chose another man—my brother! I'm not risking that again. I'm not giving anymore seeds like that a chance to grow. Not again."

"You serious, man? Maybe you don't deserve her if you think you could lose her that easy." Daryl felt aggravated on Michonne's behalf. Michonne was loyal to the bone. She was strong – in body, mind and spirit.

Rick nodded, his eyes sombre. "Maybe, but I still need you to know, where I stand. I don't care if y'all are friends, I won't make no fuss regarding all that. I trust Michonne with everythang, and I know she values you. I don't care what y'all do— _as long as it's compliant to the boundaries of friendship_." Rick felt it important to point out the last bit.

" _However_ , what I do care about is whether or not you plan on using that friendship to try to take her away from me. _From our children_." Rick tilted his head again, once again making sure Daryl was hearing him clearly. "I do care about that."

Daryl found himself feeling a little indignant at the suggestion. "You think I'd do that?"

Now Rick was looking at him, like he was being purposely stupid. "You see where we are?" Rick gestured between the two of them. " _Yeah_. I think you could do that."

Rick looked down, scratching at his eyebrow, he was tired, and he was done talking. He turned and started to make his way to their door, much like Michonne had earlier. When his hand touched the handle, Daryl spoke again.

"I'm not Shane, man."

Rick scoffed, but there was no real heat in it. "No. you're Daryl and that's what makes this so much worse."

"Where you goin'?" Daryl called out to him.

"To find the rest of my family." Was all there was to Rick's reply.

There was a long pause. "You really want me gone?"

Rick sighed. "Not tonight. Tonight, we're all— _everyone still here_ —is camping out in Deanna's. None of these places are safe tonight. Too much is crumbling. But, when we start re-building … there's plenty room at Rosita's."

"I didn't mean for non' o' this to happen man."

Rick could hear the sincerity in his tone, but it did nothing to sooth the betrayal he felt.

"Yeahh, you never do. You never do."

A/N I hope you enjoyed this. Feel free to let me know what you think.

Thanks for reading.

Naomi x


	2. Chapter 2

Here it is, the final part! I'm sorry it took so long. I just really wanted it to match up to the first part, I hope I succeeded in keeping it interesting.

I've checked repeatedly, but there will likely still be errors, sorry!

(omg it's so long, sorry!)

Enjoy!

Rick the door quietly shut behind him, relieved to have finally made it back to his newest temporary abode, the once owned Monroe residence.

It felt strange, returning to a home or rather _house_ that wasn't his, wasn't _theirs_. He felt like a visitor, he supposed that technically that's exactly what he was.

He didn't belong there, this wasn't his house and he felt the differences instantly.

It was the small things that struck him the most; the mirror and picture frames that were resting in the wrong places; the gas lamps that were glowing in the nearby living and sitting room seemed to flicker differently in the shadows here. But, mostly … it was the emptiness. The hollow, yet heavy smog that seems to choke the atmosphere despite the dotted Alexandrians inside.

Rick inhaled deeply, and then forced out a steadying breathe the minute his boot crossed the threshold. He tried to push away the memories of what he'd gone through to get there, he chose instead to simply try and appreciate the fact he'd made it home at all, wherever that home may have been.

He wanted to finally exist in a state of peace, safe in the knowledge that he was with the three people he loved most in the world, even if it were only for a few hours.

It'd taken nearly three hours for Rick to actually make it back. He'd gotten close a few times, on two occasions his palm even grazed the door, only to instead pull away seconds later when yet another resident had requested his attention.

Every time Rick had tried to edge closer to his fifty-yard goal line he'd been asked to do something, fix something, be _something_. He wanted to scream ' _I don't know! Don't ask me nothing else! I'm tired!_ '

But instead, he'd just nodded and turned back to assist wherever he was needed, which had apparently been everywhere.

(o0oOoOo)

Rick didn't see Daryl after he left but he was almost certain Daryl had followed him out not long after, he was sure he had heard the door open and close behind him when he was halfway to the Peterson's yard.

But Rick didn't _see_ him, and he was grateful for it. He breathed an internal sigh of relief at being able to leave all of that behind.

Rick knew there was nothing else in him for Daryl tonight – no more fight, no more anger, no more will to rage. He just wanted to find Michonne, Carl and Judith; nestle into some dim, far corner somewhere and watch the last few of his people as they rested and recuperated.

He just wanted to shut down the day, it had been awful from start to finish and he wanted to do nothing else other than to forget it all; he was about to make his way towards the living room, but he spotted Michonne first. She was sat mid-staircase, smiling at him and Rick could have sworn he'd heard his heart sing the second he made eye contact with her. The bundle of blankets in her lap caught Rick's eye, but before confusion could set in, he moved in closer only to realise that the bundle of blankets was actually a bundle of Judith, wrapped up tight in said blankets and sprawled across Michonne's lap.

Rick grinned.

"Hey," he whispered as he neared, mindful not to wake the sleeping little girl.

Michonne smiled back, and tilted her head so she was able to fully take him in. She was happy he was home. "Hey."

Rick moved to sit next to her and dropped two kisses on both Michonne and Judith's forehead, before shifting to face forward. His right hand resting over Michonne's which was holding Judith's calf.

"Why you still up?" Rick asked finally. He allowed himself a few minutes to relax into the first waves of peace that hit him, reassured by the fact he had two-thirds of his heart close by.

"I wanted to wait for you," Michonne looked down momentarily at Judith, as the little girl shifted against her chest. "She wasn't settling in there. Too many people, new house, wrong bedtime. She's unsettled, and I can't blame her."

Michonne's eyes flickered closed "I am too."

Rick squeezed her hand, he understood what she was feeling completely and he felt the same, itchy in his own skin. "Carl couldn't take her?"

Michonne opened her eyes and shook her head. She looked down again as the little girl pulled at her hold on Michonne's vest strap, dragging the top slightly out of shape. "She won't let go, but … having her close is … good. It's been a day"

For some reason Michonne's protective hold on Judith and the way she was looking down at her, made something inside of Rick miss his belief in God. He wanted to have someone to send up a quick prayer of gratitude to. Gratitude, at having found this woman in front of him at all, let alone at the end of the world, but he was too afraid to take that risk again. To have faith again.

As Rick studied her, he tried to catalogue everything he was feeling, and what he found seemed to confirm everything Rick had already been sure of, no one was going to take this woman from him.

No one.

 _'I'd die fightin' for this.'_ Rick thought to himself. The only way he'd let go, is if she told him too.

Rick watched Judith as her mouth hung open in her sleep, he could see what Michonne meant. Judith even in the depth of sleep was still clutching _hard_ to the string of Michonne vest.

"Yeahh. Yeah, it has."

(o0oOoOo)

Silence fell over them and they both simply basked in the warmth and comfort the other provided. They sat in the stillness, Rick enjoyed the quiet, while Michonne enjoyed her free moment to sit and think. She wanted to get a clear grasp on where Rick's head and mood were at.

He was so much calmer than when she'd left him and Daryl earlier, and leaving them had been something she had been _very_ reluctant to do, it had only been the pull of Carl needing her that had trumped her reluctance to go. She'd walked away slowly at first, her footsteps sluggish and tired, before she'd gained a more confident pace. She'd only felt able let out a breath of relaxation when she hadn't heard any glass breaking or bloodcurdling screams.

It calmed her to know that Rick was in control, and that no one was being murdered. Still, as the time had dragged on and the hours had passed. She'd grown restless again and Judith must have sensed it, she'd wailed and whined only to wail some more whenever Michonne had tried to hand her back to Carl.

When Judith did finally settle, it was with such a strong hold on Michonne's top, that Michonne had just called it a draw and let the little girl have her way.

Michonne nudged him with her boot. "So?"

Rick looked back at her, trying to pretend he didn't hear or rather understand the question in her voice. "So?"

"Rick."

He sighed then, giving up before he even really started. "Ok. What do you want to know?"

Michonne fired off quickly all of the questions she'd been anxious to have answered for the past three hours. "What did you say? What did he say? Where is he now? How are you feeling? What are you thinking? What do we—"

Rick raised his hand to try and slow her down a little, before she truly got into her stride.

"—Ok, just … that's … that's a lot of questions."

"I've been here for a while." Michonne breathed.

Rick nodded, "I tried to get back sooner, I'm sorry, I know you were probably worried."

Michonne frowned, as he used a tone that was foreign to her, it read as dull and resigned. "You don't have to apologise, Rick. _I'm not upset with you_ , I'm just frustrated. I don't know how to be on the side-lines. It isn't where I belong, and it doesn't come naturally. I hate not being at your side, having your back. It's hard having you out there not knowing—"

Rick snorted, "if I'm screwing up?"

Again, Rick's tone and words pulled Michonne up short. This wasn't usually how their conversations went. Rick was reverting backwards; his past seemed to be toying with him again. "What? That isn't—"

Rick smiled slightly and that nudged her. "Relax. I'm kidding. _Kinda_."

"I know you can make decisions Rick, I wasn't doubting your abilities. You should know that by now." Michonne spoke slowly, hoping Rick heard her and not the distant, doubting voices in his head.

Rick nodded, tilting his head from side-to-side to he fought to recognise where he was, to remember who it was he was with. _This was Michonne_. Michonne didn't judge him, he didn't need to ready himself for a barb or doubt to be thrown his way.

"I know. I know." Rick heaved a heavy sigh, trying to stay present and out of his head. "You believe in me more than you should, I think."

Michonne pulled her hand out from under his, and ran it lightly over his curls. Rick closed his eyes the instant her fingers made contact, a second wave of peace washing over him. "What's happening here Rick?"

Rick sighed again. He wasn't completely sure himself, but he'd be lying if he'd said that ' _the Daryl thing_ ' hadn't shaken him a little more than he'd have liked. "Nothing. Ignore me. I'm just tired. It's been a long day."

After removing her fingers from his hair to his chin to turn, Michonne lowered her voice closer to him so no one else could hear her. "Talk to me, Rick. I can see somethings wrong, and I know it's more than just Daryl's stupid kiss. So, what else? What else are you thinking? What else is bothering you?"

"I didn't kill him." Rick blurted out.

Michonne frowned, "I know. Why are you—"

"I should have."

Michonne paused, needing a moment to gage where Rick was on his spectrum of emotions.

Rubbing his forehead with his thumb, Rick sighed and continued. "I should have wanted to at least, but … I didn't. _I didn't_."

"Instead, _I told him I loved him_ and that he has to move out. If Shane were alive right now, he'd tell me all the ways I was a joke. If it had been anyone—"

"Rick—"

"No. He has to. He can't stay anymore."

"Because of a mistake?" Michonne reasoned.

Rick scoffed, "because he's in love with you."

Rick's mouth snapped shut, but before he could feel any kind of shame at betraying Daryl's confidence – whether he'd deserved it or not – Michonne was speaking. "So?"

Rick's body spun around so fast, he'd almost slipped off of his perch. "Excuse me?" He shifted some so that only half of his cheek was hanging off, as he scanned her intensely. "You knew?"

Michonne tilted her head, "I've been here for nearly three hours, Rick. I've had nothing but time to think. To think on him, on you, the things _you_ said."

Rick frowned, "things _I_ said?"

"'I know who my brother loves?' It didn't take a genius to decode that meaning, once the shock of everything wore off."

"Oh." Rick mumbled, somewhat relieved by her explanation.

Michonne lifted Judith a little, trying to prevent her arms from deadening. "I'm not saying your wrong. If the shoe were on the other foot I might feel the same way. But I don't get why you think it's strange that you _don't_ feel the need to kill him? You're not that same man that arrived here Rick, you've grown, you're healthier."

"He's a threat!" Rick huffed, and Michonne returned a huff of her own.

"To who? _Himself_?"

"To me! _To us_! I can't risk him weaselling his way in. stealing you aw—"

Despite herself Michonne felt her indignation flare up some at his words. " _'Stealing me_?' I'm not a car, Rick. I don't go to whoever claims me."

Rick winced, "I know that, I do. That wasn't what I meant"

Michonne tilted her head in a way not to dissimilar to Rick's own threatening gesture and instantly he regretted not being a man who was particularly good with words. "What did you mean? And please, _be clear_ "

"Look …" Rick tried to find his words. "I just don't want you to have to choose."

"Choose? Rick, if I wanted Daryl I'd be with Daryl."

Michonne thought a minute before speaking again and Rick knew that wasn't a good thing for him.

(o0oOoOo)

"Stupid or fickle?" Michonne asked startling Rick from his own thoughts.

Rick frowned, "wha-what's that now?"

"Stupid or fickle, Rick? Which am I?"

This was a trick and Rick for once knew better than to fall for it. "What? Ne-neither!"

"Are you sure?" Michonne asked, "because from where I'm sitting, your either thinking I'm so fickle that as soon as someone else even smiles in my direction I'll be theirs, or that I'm so stupid, I won't be able to tell who I want, I'll just belong to the one that requests me?"

"Thank you, Rick. Thanks for the vote of confidence." Michonne sighed.

Rick could see the conversation was escalating and wanted to get a grip on this situation quickly, "Hang on—now just wait a minute—I"

"She's sleeping." Michonne adjusted Judith again, "lower your voice, and it's you who needs to wait. It's you who needs to take a minute to understand what it is you're saying here, because right now you're questioning my integrity and my loyalty, and I don't like it."

Rick quickly remembered they weren't alone, and lowered his voice to speak in a firm whisper. "Wait a minute. I never said all that. I would never even think any of those things, Michonne. You're supposed to know me better than that."

"I do. But … can you say the same? Do you trust me, Rick?"

"Yeah, of course—of course I do. I'm not sayin'—"

"Then what are you saying? Why are you so focused on Daryl loving me, instead of focusing on me loving you? Instead of me being here and—"

"I trust you, I do. I think … I think It's me I don't trust. I keep thinkin' you're gonna wake up, you're gonna see who I am, who I've been and you're gonna—wait. _What_?"

Michonne frowned. "What 'what'?"

"What did you say?" Rick breathed. "Say it again."

Michonne squinted, still not sure what Rick was referring to. "Which part?"

Rick gazed at her avidly, not allowing his eyes to even blink. "The lovin' me part."

Realisation hit Michonne quickly and she suddenly lost all her righteous indignation. "Oh" was all she could say.

"Did you mean it?" Rick whispered, flummoxed by the unexpected swerve the conversation had taken.

Michonne hesitated, "I … did."

Michonne exhaled deeply as she decided to simply by brave and follow her revelation through. " _I do_. I didn't mean to say it right now, but … yeah. I do."

Rick spoke sooner than he should have. "Why?"

Michonne's face shutter briefly, not expecting a question to her statement. "Why, what?"

Rick looked down and the atmosphere around them changed, it became awkward. "Nothing. I mean, thank you. That, that means ..."

Michonne's mouth pulled slightly in to a tight smile. "You're … _welcome_?"

(o0oOoOo)

The air was uncomfortable and when Michonne couldn't stand the embarrassment any longer, she moved to stand, clutching Judith to her and she pushed herself up.

Rick went to help her up but Michonne instead chose to grip the banister for support, a rejection which burned Rick immediately.

"I'm gonna try her on one of the beds upstairs, somehow three of the mattresses survived here. Maybe she'll sleep through in some quiet." Michonne kept talking, but avoided eye contact at all costs.

Michonne pointed into the sitting room. "Carl's in there is you wanted to check on him." Her voice was empty, emptier than Rick had heard it sound in a while.

Rick nodded. "Y-yeah. Sure. I'll go now."

"You do that." Rick grimaced as he heard the bite in her tone. He knew why she was upset and he couldn't blame her, he had no other excuse other than he hadn't expected her to say she loved him. When he'd thought about this moment – and he'd thought about it _a lot_ the moments when his people weren't dying – he had always pictured he'd be the to tell her first … on a good day.

No. _On a great day_.

Not on a day that seemed as if it had been personally designed in hell by the devil himself. When Michonne had said it, he'd first felt stunned, but before he could be hit with the elation that her revelation brought, his despondence hit him harder.

The downhearted feeling, that made him feel like he'd let her down again, he'd failed to even get their first 'I love you right'.

Michonne hadn't said what she'd said because she was happy, she'd said it because she was trying to reach him, because she was irritated and sad. Sad, he didn't see her, too blinded by ghosts of his not so distant past and what was worse, was that he couldn't stop those ghosts from haunting him, haunting their lives together.

Rick wanted to get everything so perfect with her—for her, to prove to both her and himself he was worth the faith she put in him day in day out often with little to no reward. He wanted to get the little things right, because he knew he often got so many of the bigger things wrong. That he kept missing the beat and getting the steps wrong. Rick had failed at his first marriage in the old world, and he was terrified at the thought of failing at his last in this new one.

(o0oOoOo)

Michonne lay on one of the Monroe's forgotten beds facing Judith, watching as her little hands and legs twitched in her sleep. She prayed Judith's twitches were happy ones, not ones sparked by fear or angst.

Michonne had notice Judith had been clingier since she'd arrived back to Alexandria, and that was noteworthy because clingy was Judith's style, it wasn't her. Judith was normally the type of child who could be handed over to anyone, be held by anyone. Whether she'd developed that out of nature or circumstance, Michonne couldn't say, but Judith was a baby that had always been independent. Even that very morning Michonne had left Judith behind with a kiss and a goodbye, yet still Judith had kept playing – perhaps slightly poutier, but generally she had been fine. She hadn't clung to her the way she was doing that night and it terrified Michonne that this could become a pattern.

That this could become the start of Judith understanding the terror that surrounded her. Michonne didn't want Judith scared, she wanted her in control and strong. Aware of the dangers but equipped to deal with them.

Alive to deal with them.

(o0oOoOo)

The heavy and slow footfalls of Rick's boots on the hardwood staircase drew Michonne attentions, she listened to Rick's sluggish gait in sympathy. Each creak, sounded more exhausted than the last. But as she listened, Michonne couldn't help but think about what had happened on that staircase not even forty-five minutes before.

' _He said thank you_ ' kept coiling through Michonne's mind.

(o0oOoOo)

The logical part of Michonne knew that she shouldn't have needed to hear the words, because she was sure she already knew them to be true. She was sure that Rick had shown her time after time, that he'd do anything he could to make her happy. To keep her happy. He'd almost kill himself to get her a deer.

Michonne's reason knew all of this.

But … her quieter, more irritatingly-persistent irrational parts, feared that maybe Rick hadn't said it back, because he didn't feel it. The small voice inside her reminded her that Rick Grimes had always been a man of his word and that if he couldn't say those words without choking, he didn't feel them. He wasn't there, she was in love alone.

That thought terrified her.

Michonne wasn't a woman who thrived on feeling vulnerable and right at that moment she had never felt more so.

She'd shown her hand, got rejected and now she regretted it immensely.

(o0oOoOo)

There was a soft almost tap on the closed bedroom door, a sound that was almost a knock until it wasn't.

Rick realised almost immediately how that would've looked. How that would've seemed.

Like he was a stranger.

Like he didn't belong inside the room with them, when he did, if nothing else his day from hell had confirmed that. He belonged in there with them.

When Rick eventually did talk himself into opening the bedroom door to try and explain himself, he walked in with a look that could be only be explained as sheepish, at seeing the look on his face, the embarrassment Michonne felt quadrupled in an instant.

Rick walked forward and sat on the edge of the bed nearest Michonne.

As she felt the bed dip, Michonne hoped it would dip a little further and swallow her whole to provide her with a quick exit from the conversation she knew was coming.

Rick cleared his throat, "I think we should talk." He whispered a low "please" mindful of Judith again, but also of the need to clear things up.

Michonne sighed. "I'm not sure tonight is the best time. Let's do it tomorrow. We're both tired now …"

Rick shook his head forcefully, "they'll be a million thangs I'll have to do tomorrow. I gonna be pulled all kinda ways. We'll be tired tomorrow too and the day after that and the day after that. The tiredness is always gonna be a part of the lives we lead now, we just gotta take the time when we have it and right now … I got time for this. Do you?"

Michonne rolled onto her back, mindful to keep her proximity to Judith close so not to have her start to stir again.

"We don't have to talk right now, Rick. I'm not saying not at all, but we've both been through a lot today. I don't know if we have the emotional wherewithal to understand the full picture right now, to be objective enough, to use or find the right words. I know I don't at least."

Rick looked at Michonne, "so you don't wanna talk to me?"

Michonne closed her eyes, her head still running his ' _thank you_ ' on repeat.

"That's not what I'm saying Rick. I'm saying that neither of us are at neutral right now and I don't think us pouring petrol onto the coals is a good idea. That's all."

Rick shifted closer, wanting to reach out but not feeling able to, not until he was sure she understood where he was. "I need us to clear the air, Michonne. I don't wanna go back to living a life of going to bed angry or resentful or with too many thangs unsaid. I need us to be good. We're a team, we gotta be on the same page. Always."

Michonne looked at him then, slightly irritated with the brush he kept inadvertently painting her with. "This isn't that, Rick. This isn't before and I'm not her."

"I'm not saying you're her—"

"You are. By omission you are."

"I'm not. I swear to you, that's not what I'm meaning to do. I know you ain't Lori. I know Daryl ain't Shane. This situation ain't that, I know that, I do. But, it feels real close, too close for comfort. I'm stuck and you're the only one, I wanna get unstuck with."

"Please, just … humour me. Let me start a new pattern here. Let me talk everything through, with the one person who means everything to me. Okay?"

Michonne sighed. "Okay, Rick. Okay."

Rick eased out a relieved breath.

"Thank you." He whispered sincerely, as he cleared his throat again. "Okay. So, I just wanna say that … I'm sorry. I'm sorry for how I reacted back there, you took me by surprise. I didn't expect—"

His words appeared to confirm Michonne's worst fears, so she decided to stop him before he said something truly soul crushing like ' _it's not you, it's me_ ' or ' _I just don't think we're there yet_.'

"It's fine, Rick. I shouldn't have said it." Rick dropped his eyes to Judith, mentally steeling himself for what Michonne had to say. "I honestly regret everything, all of this, and I'm sorry. I was stupid to say what I said. I wasn't thinking. It just … came out." Michonne finished quietly, as she stared up at the ceiling hoping for the conversation to end there.

(o0oOoOo)

If Michonne had been observing Rick she would have seen the sharp look of hurt that had shot through his features, she would have seen it before it morphed into a painful look of resignation.

Keeping his eyes on Judith, Rick brought his hands up into a prayer position in front of his nose and mouth, so he could rest his elbows on his knees.

Rick rubbed his thumbs across his mouth. "You were right. We shoulda' waited 'til tomorrow. I coulda' waited to hear you say all that. I coulda' put that off for a lifetime—whatever that's worth these days."

"Rick—" Michonne started, hearing his tone and knowing he had likely began to spiral, like he tended to do when got too caught up in his own head.

"You don't gotta say nothin' else … I understand, I do, and I don't blame you." Rick let out an empty chuckle. "Christ, you say you love me, and within less than an hour I have you regretting being with me at all."

Michonne frowned, confused by Rick's ridiculously large leap into a way deeper waters. "What? Ric—"

"I don't know why I keep failing at this, keep letting you down. The harder I try, the more I mess up and I … I just can't … I can't understand it. I love you so much, Michonne. I love you more than I'm able to show you and I try, but I keep messing it up." Rick shook his head to himself.

"The one good thang in my life other than my kids and I'm screwing it up. I just … keep falling into the same tar pit over and over again."

Rick sighed with an air of a man, with the weight of the world on his shoulders. "I don't know. I just … I don't know what I'm doing, Michonne."

(o0oOoOo)

Michonne's brain shorted "you love me?"

Rick let out an empty puff of air that maybe would've been a snort if he hadn't felt so flat. "I wanted to tell you on a _good_ day. A day when no one died. A day when Carl didn't have a side wound. A day when my brother didn't _kiss you_. I wanted it to be perfect, to represent everything you are to me"

"… Instead? It all went … _left_."

Michonne shifted to sit up, careful not jostle the little one next to her. "If you really felt this way, why did you leave me hanging out there alone? Why did you ' _thank_ ' me?"

Rick groaned as his mortification hit him again, he'd spent thirty-five of his forty-five minutes downstairs with his with his forehead pressed against the hallway wall – cringing as ' _thank you, thank you, thank you_ ' ran on loop in his mind. "I … urgh!"

Rick winced, "I panicked I guess, I think I just had this fantasy in my head of how I'd say it, how you'd hear it, I pictured how you'd smile at me – you know the special smile you give with you get toothpaste?"

"I pictured you looking at me like I was worthy … I wanted that. It's dumb and probably just macho BS and all o' that, but I wanna always keep it honest with you, and yeah … that was what I'd hoped for."

When Rick turned his head toward Michonne and his brows furrowed instantly, Michonne _was_ smiling him. In fact, she was giving him the exact smile he'd been hoping for—her toothpaste smile but … _softer_ somehow.

She was looking at him like he was more than worthy, like he was actually worth something.

 _Like he was everything._

(o0oOoOo)

"You sure do have a way with words, when you want to Mr Grimes." Michonne couldn't stop the bashful smile that was spreading across her face.

Rick squinted, "I do?"

Michonne's smile stayed in place as she nodded. "You do. That was perfect." Michonne looked down and finally reached down for his hand.

"This is all I need, Rick. I don't need you to _try_ to make me happy, you do, just by being who you are. You're a father and a leader and friend, but you're loyal too. You're dedicated, you're loving, you're you, Rick. You don't have to 'win' me, you already won. I'm already yours. Whether Daryl stays or goes, whether things are weird for a while or not. I'm with you, only you, because I want to be. I choose to be. I choose you. I see you, I didn't walk into this blindly and you need to give me more credit."

Michonne took a breath, searching for a way to say what she wanted to say in a way that didn't sound critical. "You have to start believing in yourself too though, Rick. Your self-esteem can't be based on me or my love for you, the same way mine can't be reliant on you or yours. You're not a perfect man Rick, but your far from worthless. Your losses don't define you and they're not what I see when I look at you."

"So … you do … love me?" Rick asked softly, a small smile pulling at the corners of his lips.

Michonne shoved him in his arm "All of that and that's what you latch on to?"

Rick chuckled "I heard everything you said, and I know. _I know_. I do. But, I just went from thinkin' you were breakin' up with me to hearin' that—"

Confusion infused Michonne's features, "breaking up with you? Who said that?"

Rick blushed, "I mean … you said you regretted everything and that you were sorry. I mean, worldwide that generally means—"

Michonne looked at him in that way that said, 'wow.'

"I meant that I regretted saying 'I love you' and putting us in that awkward stand-off we were in, not that I regretted us entirely …"

Michonne arched her eyebrow, "that was a quite the leap to make with so little to go off."

Rick cleared his throat. "I guess I might've assumed a little more than I shoulda'."

"You know what they say about assuming?" Michonne smirked.

"Yeah" Rick chuckled, "but, just to be clear …"

"Yes. I love you, Rick."

Rick grinned, before his face turned into a teasing smirk, whispering "I love you too, Sweetheart" as he pressed a soft kiss to her.

Michonne grinned back shyly, before clearing her throat too and looking towards the smoke free night sky outside the window. "It's late. Go get Carl, please." Michonne shifted Judith over slightly "I want him close."

Rick's smile morphed into a confused frown. "You want all four of us to sleep on this one bed?"

"You see how this one sleeps?" Rick pointed at a spread out, unconscious Judith. "Carl's worse and he's bigger. Let's leave him where he is. He'll be fine downstairs."

Rick watched as Michonne's eyes fell from his and rested on Judith, as she stroked gently through her hair. "I just … want him close."

Something in her tone made Rick cave instantly, this meant something to her. "Alright" Rick sighed. "Alright, I'll go get him."

Michonne smiled and Rick almost felt as if the backache he was gonna be suffering with tomorrow was worth it. Almost.

As Rick got up and moved toward the door, Michonne called out softly to him, remembering to lower her voice just in time. "Say ' _Michonne said_ ' and he'll agree easier." She beamed smugly.

Rick chuckled, "I already planned to, your names gonna be the first word outta my mouth, right before he sets his glare on me."

(o0oOoOo)

When the bedroom door opened again, it was to reveal a barely conscious, limping Carl, who immediately went to Michonne's right-hand side which was open and free of Judith. Carl who was already familiar with how badly his little sister slept, laid down and rested his head on Michonne's shoulder, haphazardly flinging an arm over her and Judith. Michonne smile when he was snoring lightly less than sixty seconds later.

Rick made his way upstairs, ten minutes after he'd sent Carl up. The moment he reached the doorway he paused, softly smiling at the sight in front of him.

Carl lay star-fished on his front, his face pressed against Michonne's shoulder, while Michonne lay resting her head on his, keeping a protective arm around Judith who was currently star-fished on her back, with her mouth slightly ajar in a way not to dissimilar from Carl.

Rick's heart was singing again at the sight.

(o0oOoOo)

"Come to bed. It's late." Michonne yawned "thank you for getting him. I feel better with him here."

Rick squinted as he watched his son, shift closer to Michonne, on the side Rick himself had planned on taking.

Michonne smiled, likely reading his thoughts. "This sides still free." Michonne gestured with a tilt of her head.

Rick scoffed, "that side has Judith, that's why he's over there."

"You should've been quicker." Michonne shrugged.

Rick sighed as he made his way to the far side of the bed, careful not the jostle Judith as he settled on the edge, moving one of the little girl's legs from the vicinity of where his kidneys would be.

Rick pressed a gentle kiss to Michonne as he peeled of his shoes and laid back down. "This ain't gonna be a habit though, Michonne." Rick shifted slightly reaching for her right hand, that was under Carl's. But, Carl had refused to budge, so Rick had simply rolled his eyes, choosing instead to settle for hold two of her fingers, since he hadn't the energy to prize Carl out of the way. "This is just for tonight."

"Alright Rick." Rick nodded, closing his eyes as he did so. "Maybe tomorrow too. Three nights at most."

Rick's eyes shot open "What?"

Michonne's eyes stayed closed "Goodnight Rick."

(o0oOoOo)

Michonne had left out early the next morning with Judith, taking the little girl with her to pick up some clothes and to change her. She'd left a still sleeping Carl and an awake and slightly disgruntled Rick in her wake.

With her sword on her back and Judith in her arms, she made her way to her still standing, but ultimately barren home.

As she walked up the steps, she spotted Daryl on the porch, she inhaled slowly, wondering if she should talk to him or leave him be. She chose a mixture of the two.

He didn't look at her as she made her way closer to him, sitting at the other end of the swing, as she placed Judith on her lap.

"You okay?" she asked.

Daryl didn't look at her, but he answered her without hesitation. "Fine. You?"

Michonne sighed. "Tired. But, I'm okay."

"Good." There was a steady beat of silence, it wasn't exactly oppressive, but it wasn't easy either. Soon Daryl broke the quiet. "I'm sorry."

"I know." Michonne breathed. "I get why you did what you did."

Daryl looked out onto the houses, but said nothing, so Michonne powered on. "I get it. But, that can't happen again. You don't get to try that a second time. You need to respect me enough, to keep the line between us clear."

This time Daryl sighed. "I know."

"I do care about you, Daryl. We're friends. We're family. That won't change, but I can't choose you, not now. I have too much to lose and I won't risk those things, these people for anything – for anyone."

"I get it 'Chonne. I do." Daryl breathed, "I'm just sorry for it all."

"I know. I'm sorry too. I am."

There was another beat of silence, this time easier than the one before, as both gazed out over the veranda.

(o0oOoOo)

The moment Michonne spotted Daryl shifting uncertainly in his seat, she knew he had something else to say, something else that was pressing on him and If she were being honest, she was tempted to leave it alone. To leave him to keep it to himself because she knew it was likely to be something she wouldn't be able to unhear, once she'd heard it.

But Daryl still mattered to Michonne, he was still family, someone she deeply cared for even if she did feel slightly more self-conscious around him now.

She wanted to help in any way she could, she wanted to help him ease his burdens. "Just say it."

Daryl turned to squint at her, not head on, but more at an angle. "What?"

"I can see you wrestling with something, so just say it. Say it, so it's out there and you're free of it. We won't talk about it again. We'll start anew. Build a new foundation. We can do that, but only … only if we free up some of the baggage you're carrying."

"Otherwise, we're always gonna feel this heaviness and I don't want that. I do want my friend back though. I do want that."

Daryl shifted, "that don't really seem like a good idea, Chonne'."

"When have you ever cared about good ideas?" Michonne teased.

Daryl smirked a little before he shook his head. He didn't think this would work, but he figured he had nothing else to lose, and trusting Michonne had never steered him wrong yet, so he took the chance to clear their air.

He'd missed her too.

Missed her even though she hadn't gone anywhere.

He'd stayed away, not wanting to experience the feelings he did whenever he was around her or Rick, or worst … both.

"A'right." Daryl sighed.

Clearing his throat, Daryl took a second to think about where to start, he decided to go with the most important part first. "I shoulda told you. I wanted to. Thought 'bout it plen'y. Back at the prison I figured you liked me some, I wanted to tell you, I really did. Even came close a couple times but every time I got close, I heard my old mans mouth ' _you ain't no good_ ' ' _She don't want you,_ ' all of that and I always let him stop me."

Daryl closed his eyes and Michonne knew that he was hearing those same words again in that moment, she was struck by how similar Rick and Daryl actually were when you looked deep enough. Unthinkingly Michonne reached out, placing her hand on his wrist but not his palm, wanting her intentions to be clear. Daryl understood and silently thanked her for her comfort by resting his own on top of hers, squeezing slightly.

He paused, as if deciding if he should say anymore. To reveal what had been weighing on him most since last night, and if he was honest, much longer than that.

"Last night, when me and Rick were talkin' he said, I tried to steal you. But I didn't. At least … I wasn't tryin' to. But when he said it, it burned me up. I thought ' _you've got a damned nerve to be talkin' 'bout stealin thangs_.'" Daryl raised his hand to paused Michonne's upcoming words, as soon as he saw her mouth part. "Yeah, I know you wanna punch me for sayin that, I know you're not a damn car or nothin like that' but, that's what it'd felt like after we moved here, after we nearly lost this place, after we'all found out about y'all. That's what it felt like, like he stole you."

Daryl look down at his boot, trying to identify the random scuffs and scratches. "You weren't mine, but you shoulda been. A part of me – only a tiny piece, but it's there – hates him a little for that. For takin' my chance."

(o0oOoOo)

They sat in silence once more, while Michonne unpacked, everything that had been said and everything that hadn't – and deeply she understood the significance of the things that hadn't been said and why.

"You'll find another chance, Daryl. The world might have ended, but there's still people. And I truly do believe, you'll find the one meant for you, but that's not me. It can't be, not anymore."

Judith began whining and Michonne cooed at her, remembering why she'd came back here in the first place. "I'm sorry pumpkin, did I forget about you? I'm sorry, let's go change you, yeah? Yes, let's go."

Daryl smiled at her and for once, it wasn't restrained, it was free.

"I'm gonna take her in, change her and grab some stuff. You better be at the Monroe's tonight Dixon. The group needs to stay together, we don't know when we'll be hit again. Don't be a martyr, right?"

"We'll see." Daryl mumbled not exactly thrilled at the prospect of being around people, especially Rick, but Daryl did appreciate what Michonne was trying to do.

Michonne was trying to make things normal again, she was doing what she'd said she would. She was moving on and not holding his words against him, she was gifting him peace and acceptance like she'd always done and that was why he'd do anything for her, even if it meant not hiding from his actions – not hiding from Rick.

He felt lighter.

Michonne paused and so did Judith, as she watched with narrowed eyes. "I better see you at the Monroe's tonight, Dixon."

"Fine." Daryl growled, hating her ability to take away all of his 'no's' "God woman, I'll be there later! A'right?"

"Good." Turning to Judith once more Michonne cooed again, "come on pumpkin. Lets get that gross nappy off you."

Daryl's voice stopped her just as she reaches the doorway, "thank you."

Michonne turned and smiled, "you're welcome. See you later."

"Yeah, you will."

(o0oOoOo)

When Daryl saw Rick, walking passed a few minutes later, he for the first time in a while, didn't experience his usual array of conflicting emotions.

The push and pull between love and envy wasn't as fierce, the love and admiration he felt regarding Rick was somehow lighter – not completely free of the bitter sting Rick had left behind, but it didn't burn him as hot.

Moments later when Rick turned and spotted Daryl he paused for a minute, before sending a small nod in Daryl's direction, Daryl nodded back in much the same manner and watched as Rick strode further down the street.

Daryl soon slumped back down in his seat again, watching the stillness of the houses again, he was only thinking one thing …

' _I may never be Abel, but I definitely ain't no Cain_.'

Thank you to everyone that asked me to write a part 2. I would never have considered this on my own!

Once again, thank you so much for reading!

Naomi


End file.
